I’ve been talking a lot lately about the stress we choose.
We all volunteer ourselves for stress in multiple ways—whether it’s making a big change, chasing a dream, or even just getting up in the morning (cortisol spike mandatory). But today, I’m talking about a sneakier kind: the stress we create by worrying about things outside of our control.
I know—control is a loaded word. Some of us grab for control to feel safe. Others fixate on danger because it feels impossible to look away. Either way, when we’re obsessing over what might happen, we’re choosing stress we don’t have to carry.
A family member recently shared their fears about a loved one. The conversation was full of a telltale phrase that signals you’ve wandered into “stress-you-choose-ville”:
“What if…?”
“What if it’s A? What if it’s B? What if C happens and then D, E, F, and G? I couldn’t handle it!”
Whew. Have I ever been there! In my 20s I spent an entire month torturing myself with “what if” spirals—my body buzzing with anxiety as I was faced with a health issue that could have lifelong implications—all for scenarios that never happened. That month? Gone. A twelfth of a year I’ll never get back. A whole month I could have spent laughing, dancing, loving, and being present.
The plot thickens: even if the worst-case scenario had come true, that month of joy would’ve given me more resilience to face it!
So yes—learning to resist worry takes practice (and a little wrestling with your rogue brain). But it’s possible.
Here’s the guideline I gave my loved one:
Take action. Your next best step is to get more information about what’s actually happening. Until then, you don’t have a problem—you just have a question.
If you’re not ignoring reality by doing this, then you are taking the absolute moset effective action. Worrying doesn’t count.
It’s not a problem until it’s a problem. Full stop.