“She’ll make her way.”
—Natalie Merchant, “Wonder”
I want to open with a song that carried me through my twenties: “Wonder” by Natalie Merchant. It was part of the soundtrack to my search for authenticity in my 20s, and it reminded me that I would be more than alright if I could just be myself instead of worrying about being judged. It reappeared in my life this month (my son is really into 80s and 90s music right now), and with it came the positive feelings of breaking free, even in this new era of my mid-fifties!
Which brings me to this week’s reflection.
In my Zapped to Zen mindfulness course, which is based on Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy groups, we ask a simple question: what are you feeding your body, and what are you feeding your mind?
I like to pause and take stock of this periodically because it’s one of the things I want to stay intentional about. So here is a look at my inputs from the last month.
Work and learning. Always a top input: I’ve been sitting with people as they look for resiliency after their pain and trauma stories, which is hard work but also my purpose.
I’ve read and reviewed and led discussion groups on two books on EMDR and working with complex trauma, which can be draining with the technical writing and pressure to complete by due dates.
I took a course on infertility and another on movement and dance in therapy spaces, and the infertility material stirred up my own journey. It’s no longer triggering, just a definite “oh yeah, I lived that,” and I’m excited to use it to help others.
I have been listening to the first half (the concentration camp section) of Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning, which is a net negative for me right now but part of a personal commitment.
I also listened to a few business podcasts early in the month, then quit when I realized the AI pressure—“you’re already behind if you don’t have a full army of agents!”– was getting to me.
Wind-down and play. Evening inputs have been a mix of The Good Place and Only Murders in the Building, which gives us belly laughs and a look at our potential for good, with a little gore, so I’d call it a net positive.
On YouTube, I’ve been watching behavior analysis, political comedy and tennis videos. The tennis videos include educational ones on playing more aggressively at the net and, admittedly, a lot of Sabalenka’s racket-breaking moments and other “misbehaviors.” Tennis is my stress relief, but I’ll admit there’s some shadow expression in there, and I’ve had to ask myself why I’m spending energy seeking out the negative when I FIRMLY believe that humans are so much more than their worst moments.
I’ve also been listening to romance movies and stories in the background while doing housework because they tend to be more pleasant, though honestly that needs to stop, since constant listening is hard on the nervous system even when the content is positive.
Social media and the news. I’m on less social media than before, but it’s still happening. I’ve gotten to watch two adorable toddlers show off their big vocabularies and drumming skills, plus the guy who plays music for animals, and I’ve watched a lot of Dolly Parton (a hoot who is so kind and confident) and Alok (an absolute poet and advocate for unconditional compassion and living), as I mentioned in my last newsletter. They help me feel the good in this world.
Those bright spots balance out the politics that are always in the feed, which feel so heavy because of how toxic the presentation (and the reality) is.
I’ve done research on things like extracting stevia and lavender, tackling garden pests, and which snails are aquarium escape artists–a mixture of wholesome living and “will I ever win.”
And I’ve signed up for a few presentations on political concerns, which feels important but stressful, AND I’ve been subjected to far too many political ads. I keep wondering when we’re going to require them to be honest again, and they’re definitely more triggering than I’d like.
Body, nature, and people. Hiking, walking, and paddle boarding, often while listening to loved ones or nature sounds, have been positive, positive, positive, with the occasional problem to solve.
Receiving feedback at tennis practice is another largely positive experience (even if I can’t always execute on the coaching, haha).
I’ve also been sitting in weekly community with the Phoenix Rising Yoga Therapy founder and several colleagues, which is compassion and presence galore.
And, as mentioned earlier, there’s been music, lots of it.
But HERE’S what I really want to bring to you today.
A moment of self-introspection.
What are your inputs, and could you be a more active curator of your life?
As Frankl shows us from the most dire circumstances imaginable, we always have the capacity to choose how we will be in any situation, even this moment in our lives and in history. And as The Good Place reminds us, it’s never too late to make the kind of choices that bring greater good and peace into the world.
Remember:
YOU ARE NECESSARY, and that means you are precious enough to treat with care.
Love, Renee