Over my Christmas break, I noticed something that was music to my soul: spontaneous and brief bursts of belly laughter coming from MY mouth at the most random moments.
I would laugh at a television character who was just being quirky or weird.
I would laugh at myself acting as though something was important that was not.
I would laugh (and yes, this is my newest surprise obsession) at my new-to-me Snoopy face on my Apple Watch. This one has been particularly yummy and wholesome as I flip my wrist over and over just to see him spin pizza dough over his head and get it hung up on the minute hand.
It’s bizarre and entirely delightful.
I remember moments when life was so heavy, spontaneous laughter was not a remote possibility. In fact, mining a mere “surface smile” was impossible.
Some moments came when life became so complex that I didn’t know if I could help family members I cared for deeply. Others came when I was in the deep end of hypervigilance with PTSD.
When the nervous system is overwhelmed, it may mute both highs and lows—not to deprive us, but to create a sense of stability.
But that’s a narrow slice of the full range of this wild ride we call life.
Laughter emerges from a nervous system with enough capacity, and spontaneous laughter is aligned with play and connection—states of a nervous system with access to the “ventral vagal” state, or a state that is safe enough for long enough.
When a nervous system is overwhelmed, it becomes more rigid and narrows focus. Play and novelty require excess capacity—in other words, laughter needs space to emerge from, and overwhelm robs us of that space.
Supporting this, research (Buchowski et al., Int J Obesity) shows that laughter is “metabolically expensive!” Not only does genuine laughter increase our energy expenditure and heart rate 10-20% above resting levels, but 10-15 minutes of laughter per day could burn 10-40 extra calories! It’s light exertion in our body. No wonder that our body tries to conserve when we are in our most pressured moments in life!
How do we start accessing laughter again when it has been taken from us?
Instead of trying to ‘be more joyful,’ we create the nervous system conditions where joy can find us again.
- We create moments of mindfulness of our immediate safety, even if (especially if?) the rest of the world feels chaotic.
- We connect with people who are accepting and don’t need us to be anything but who & where we are.
- We move our bodies—walk, stretch, sigh, breathe and shake to regulate.
- We practice small, tolerable amounts silliness or absurdity (make faces, high five yourself in the mirror, make a snow angel, try the swings at your area park).
It’s these small acts that add up, over time, to digesting enough of our stress to create capacity for spontaneity to emerge.
This takes time and commitment. You may experience flickers of “lighting up” prior to finding a full return to your old self.
And remember, if your laughter hasn’t been around in awhile, it doesn’t mean it’s gone. It simply means your nervous system is protecting you and conserving valuable resources.
Allow this gentle reframe to give you the space you need without adding more pressure to the system. It will return when you stay focused on safety, connection, and play.
Reflection:
When is the last time your laugh surprised you? Who were you with? Were they safe people? What helps your body feel safe enough to play? What are some simple ways you can introduce more play into your life?